my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
