why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
