How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
