They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
