Moan for me like Helen Keller
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
