And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
