dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
