Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
