My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
