if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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