jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
