3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
