Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
