Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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