I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize