I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
