I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
