Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
