my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
