I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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