I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
