another moral hangover. fuck.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
