I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
