dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
