Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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