Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
