i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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