I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize