Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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