And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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