My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I want her autograph on my taint
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
