life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
