i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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