I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
