what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize