She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
