You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
