At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize