a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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