there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
