Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
