in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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