they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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