Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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