what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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