matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
