You smell like stripper and shame
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
