Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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