One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
