I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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