you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
