You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
