I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
