I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
