Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
