Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize