Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
