TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
