I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
