Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
