so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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