There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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