I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I want a musical about memes.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
