Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
