New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
