hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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