I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Come see our sink grown plant.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
