hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
