Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
