We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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