DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
