Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
