So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Mom said you looked used
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
