how can u be prego again
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
