Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize