Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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