I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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