i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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