I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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